“I’ve been ok,” Roper, 36, wrote via her Instagram story on Monday, October 16. “I recently told my manager that I’m tired of being in my sad girl era, and ready to feel better, but I’m also recognizing grief doesn’t work that way.”
The Bachelor in Paradise alum continued: “Right now I’ve noticed I have like three or four really good days and then two sad days. And I’m just trying to honor them and move through them.”
Roper, who recently said she had an “inner knowing” her son was “gone” before she experienced the miscarriage, revealed she’s been staying busy. She called her packed schedule a “good distraction,” but noted that she’s worried she’s “running from” her grief.
“But I also find it filling my cup, so maybe it’s a good way for me to cope,” she wrote. “Plus all my kiddo snuggles.”
Roper — who shares three children with husband Tanner Tolbert — announced in August that she had miscarried her fourth child, a son named Beau. (Tolbert and Roper, who tied the knot in 2016 after meeting on Bachelor in Paradise season 2, welcomed daughter Emerson in 2017, son Brooks in 2019 and son Reed in 2020.)
“I’ve been struggling [with] what to write here as I’ve been navigating a miscarriage,” Roper wrote at the time. “It felt like all my dreams were coming true to welcome another baby into our lives, to love and to complete our family. While our hearts [are] completely broken and we have been dealing with the deep and complex grief of the loss, we have been blessed to be touched by his soul for his short amount of time. I am forever changed.”
In the post, which featured a photo of Roper cradling her bump, she explained that she was still carrying the fetus.
“I’m currently experiencing what is called a missed miscarriage, so while his heart has stopped and he has stopped growing (for some time now), my body hasn’t released the pregnancy yet,” she said at the time. “I am hoping to do this naturally and am trusting in timing and in my body under the care of my provider.”
However, Roper was not able to avoid the operation and ended up getting surgery later that month after being hospitalized for a potential infection.
“Well, here we are. I didn’t want or expect it to go this way, but it is,” she wrote via Instagram after the surgery. “I so badly wanted to bury him under a beautiful tree in our yard, to see any glimpse of his tiny body, which is why I held out so long trying to trust my body. But, it is time to heal and get to the other side of this loss.”